Home away from home

I want to write about the process of finding community in a place that feels far from home. I am sure that loneliness is not an uncommon experience among expats – it is easy to feel isolated living away from your friends and family, trying to navigate new and often challenging environments. I myself have felt lonely often since being here, both in a physical sense and an emotional one.

It helps to talk with loved ones from home, but even then it usually feels like something is missing. I think it’s the need to have people around you who can relate to your experiences and offer empathy. The people I talk to from back home are somewhat limited in their capacity to empathize, not because of any kind of shortcoming of their own but simply because they live in a world apart from the one I now inhabit and sometimes cannot relate to the experiences I have.

All this is to say that I have realized how important it is here to find a community of people who understand your challenges and can offer, if not suggestions or advice, then at least their own story of dealing with the same issue so that the two of you can commiserate. I feel fortunate because this community in Tamale is wonderfully open-hearted and has welcomed me in from the very beginning.

In the time that I have been here, this group of people (largely expats, but some locals too) is the thing I have come to treasure most deeply. It is not a group of people who pity each other for the “third world” challenges they encounter or whine about the comforts they miss from home. Rather, it’s a network of incredibly resilient and generous people who look out for each other and help one another find humor and hope while living here.

Because this community is small in Tamale, there is even a WhatsApp group we are all part of. Sometimes the questions people pose to one another in the group are as simple as “Hey, does anyone know of a good electrician?” or “Does anyone know if mangoes are still being sold in town?” Sometimes, they are very practical in nature: “Which lab should I visit to get tested for malaria?” or “Does anyone have the number of a reliable yellow yellow driver they could share?” And on occasion, they are difficult or sensitive: “The stipend my company pays me isn’t enough to cover my living expenses – how should I ask them for a raise?” or “I keep getting harassed by the group of men who linger near my house in the evenings – what should I do?”

So even though Thanksgiving has now come and gone, it is this community of people I am most thankful for. In a setting where it’s easy to feel alone and apart from everyone else, they have made this place feel at least a little like home.